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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27653066">A Little Death</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rochelleechidna/pseuds/rochelleechidna'>rochelleechidna</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Biting, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Bondage, Deathshipping, Dom/sub, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, Exhibitionism, Fluff, Hair-pulling, Hurt/Comfort, Kinky, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Memories, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sex Toys, Trust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:48:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,957</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27653066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rochelleechidna/pseuds/rochelleechidna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no one else he trusted so well - yet even with Ryou seizing control, they'd both get more than they bargained for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bakura Ryou/Yami Malik, Deathshipping - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Yu-Gi-Oh! It's Time to G-G-G-Gift! [Mini-Exchange]</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Little Death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknownlifeform/gifts">unknownlifeform</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Look at me bein' clever with the title's triple meaning haha The prompt I received for this year's YGOME was for a kinky NSFW fic, with established deathshipping and Ryou domming Yami Malik - named "Najjad" here because... why not? This is actually my first time writing for this ship - definitely a trial by fire, but I'm very much a fan now! Also, major thanks to the fic authors who kindly discussed deathshipping and all its intricacies with me. I hope this fic lives up to your prompt, unknownlifeform - please enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He and Ryou had faced unspeakable horrors – or at the very least, been the inadvertent <i>cause</i> of unspeakable horrors. Over the past year, they’d met challenge after interminable challenge with all the gusto and stubbornness that complemented each other so well. They had traveled to hell and back – literally – and made it out the other side every single time.</p><p>Yet as Ryou finished tying specially-bought silk bands that stretched across the bed to meet tan wrists, Najjad couldn’t help but feel an unfamiliar, disturbing swell in the pit of his stomach.</p><p>In their apartment – really, Ryou’s downsized and messy one-room abode – Najjad was positioned in a kneel upon the queen-sized bed of cotton sheets and three too many pillows. The placement of the restraints left his front and back unprotected from whatever Ryou had planned for the evening – the thought sending a quiet thrill to every one of his still-new nerves. Najjad gulped as a very naked Ryou gave a final tug and stood to linger over his lover’s similarly exposed body.</p><p>“They’re not too tight, are they?”</p><p>Najjad grunted and turned away, fighting against the heat that rose to his face. With an experimental pull on his hands and feet, Najjad felt his heart drop as he realised how very <i>secure</i> he now was.</p><p>“Only one way to find out.”</p><p>With a casual smirk plastered on his lips, Najjad arched his back to tempt Ryou with every flexing, sinewy muscle along his chest and torso. Ryou blushed in apparent need and backed away towards a nearby table. In the low-lit room, Najjad watched as Ryou’s nimble fingers fumbled for something – and he almost forgot to breathe when he saw Ryou hold up a silk blindfold that matched the bindings around his wrists.</p><p>“Came as a set. But we don’t have to if you don’t want—”</p><p>“Ryou.” Najjad bared his teeth and licked his lower lip. “I want it <i>all</i> this time.”</p><p>There were no more delays as Najjad’s sight was taken away – leaving him in utter, oddly comforting darkness. Almost instantly, every other sense compensated tenfold. He heard Ryou’s heavy breath, smelled the desire emanating from his body, tasted the tension in the air. It was all familiar after so long together – and yet the new circumstances somehow elevated the situation to a euphoric level.</p><p>Ryou taking the lead over Najjad was by no means a revelatory concept. Truth be told, neither man was proud enough – nor selfless enough, for that matter – to stick to one position or role in all their many, <i>many</i> conjugals. After suffering so much at the hands of others, it hadn’t taken long since Najjad’s return from the shadows to cross paths with the only other soul on earth who could possibly understand what sublime pleasure it was to breathe with one’s own lungs – to feel present, secure, <i>human</i> in one’s own body.</p><p>But they were so acquainted with <i>each other’s</i> bodies by now that the idea of actually planning sex almost felt like a step backwards. After everything they had worked so hard to overcome – a shared need for their own identities, a mutual desire to be accepted as they were and not for what others wanted them to be, their joint wish to outrun the past – forgoing spontaneity in favour of careful research and preparation… <i>really</i> shouldn’t have excited Najjad as much as it did.</p><p>And based on the way Ryou sounded a few moments later, Najjad could tell the feeling was reciprocated.</p><p>“Remember, you’ll speak only when spoken to directly. Talk out of turn and there will be punishment.”</p><p>“Uh-huh.”</p><p>
  <i>thwack!</i>
</p><p>Najjad genuinely didn’t expect the meat of Ryou's palm to hit his ass so hard and so quickly. He yelped, caught between surprised and aroused. Ryou let loose a soft purr of delight and shifted on the bed, closer to Najjad’s ear. Najjad expected a lick or bite along the tender lobe – but shivered nevertheless when Ryou’s voice merely lowered.</p><p>“Do that again and I <i>promise</i> it’ll be harder next time. Understand?”</p><p>Najjad wanted so badly to retort as he always did with Ryou – to see him roll his eyes when he not-so-jokingly begged for not only harder, but faster and longer. Yet right now, Najjad knew his place and didn’t dare ruin the fun so quickly. So, with his mouth dry and his mind racing as he remembered the “rules” of their session—</p><p>“Yes… <i>sir.”</i></p><p>A hitch in Ryou’s breath broke the illusion for just the smallest moment – before Najjad felt the tongue he’d expected earlier finally making contact with his sensitive cartilage.</p><p>“Good boy.” Najjad couldn’t help smiling at the lust oozing from Ryou’s voice – couldn’t help moaning unabashed as Ryou bit into his earlobe and tugged just enough to border between pain and pleasure. “So… what shall I do with you first?”</p><p>After a few seconds of awkward silence, Najjad took his cue to respond like they’d discussed the day before.</p><p>“My body is yours to command, sir.” Then, with more relaxation in his voice— “You… don’t have to be gentle.”</p><p>“Believe me—” Now Ryou’s tongue traced down the curve of Najjad’s neck – landing on the flesh that connected with his shoulder and biting down hard. “I don’t intend to.”</p><p>Najjad barely had time to recover from the surprise assault before he felt Ryou pat his plump cheek from behind and move away. Najjad heard Ryou retreat towards the table and – trying not to focus on how his own panting lips betrayed his arousal – focused on the various shuffling sounds, trying to discern what each one could be.</p><p>He didn’t have too long to figure it all out. Before Najjad knew it, Ryou was back on the bed and positioned directly behind him. Even with just a few inches between their similarly scarred flesh, Najjad could feel the electricity between them. He dared to lean into the warmth – and cried out as he felt a chilled, wet finger invade his hole with little preamble.</p><p>“This is what you asked for, isn’t it?”</p><p>Najjad could only nod quickly in agreement, lost to the familiar sensation of being filled with Ryou’s slender digits one by one. It felt odd to <i>not</i> be touched on the rest of his body as he was being fingered, but Najjad had little time to complain. He could only groan in contentment as Ryou worked his wrist in steady motions to build Najjad up into a simmering frenzy.</p><p>As his lover probed his insides slightly rougher than normal, Najjad’s mind wandered back to their first conversation about this exact scenario – back to when they’d first admitted that, whatever this spark was between them, it was quite mutual. Having only served as second fiddle to Malik for so long, it had taken Najjad a very, <i>very</i> long time to realise that the fluttering in his stomach and the warmth that invaded his cheeks each time Ryou was near were perfectly normal responses – that the idea of attraction, lust and all the crazy emotions and desires that came with it could be used not for one’s own selfish gratification, but for a richer, intensely satisfying connection that made him and another feel <i>so fucking good.</i></p><p>What had surprised Najjad most back then, though… was how<i> Ryou</i> seemed to need the reassurance that this was all normal, too. Yet if the way he was taking charge now was any indication—</p><p>“You’re not <i>bored,</i> are you?”</p><p>The snap in Ryou’s voice – and the fact that Najjad’s wild hair was pulled so hard that his back formed a perfect arch – brought Najjad back to reality.</p><p>“No, sir, I—”</p><p>Najjad gasped as the fingers withdrew from his worked-over hole and were replaced by the tip of something slippery and large. He instantly recognised the feel of the object pressed against his backside, despite never having seen it with his own eyes before.</p><p>He had heard Ryou – surprisingly shameless a few months into their relationship when it came to matters of pleasure – gushing over <i>it</i> during one of their movie nights a couple weeks ago. Something about how it was the hottest new toy on the market, how it stimulated not just one or two but <i>three</i> pleasure points, how it had caused some users to black out from sensory overload…</p><p>Naturally, Najjad’s curiosity was piqued – especially by Ryou’s apparent enthusiasm – and without a moment’s hesitation had handed over his card for Ryou to buy the damn thing. Najjad had half-expected that to be the end of it. At the very least, he’d looked forward to laughing his ass off when Malik would complain about the overpriced charge showing up on his next bank statement.</p><p>Never in a million years had Najjad expected <i>himself</i> to be the guinea pig for Ryou’s latest obsession.</p><p>“How badly do you want this inside you? Fucking you into oblivion?”</p><p>Ryou hardly ever swore – much less so crudely – and it only turned Najjad on more to hear the slight growl in that usually soft-spoken voice. A not-small part of Najjad almost answered by saying he’d rather have Ryou fuck him into oblivion instead – would rather Ryou pound into him as their hearts would beat as one and the bed would shake and the world could fall down and it would still just be them and only them left in a world that had abandoned them both long ago. But instead—</p><p>“Fuck me. Please, sir. I want— <i>ahhhh!”</i></p><p>Ryou slowly pushed the toy in as far as it could go – and then somehow pushed it in even farther. Najjad had never felt so full in his entire, admittedly abridged life. It was as if all the oxygen had left the room, like he was both gasping for air and sighing from the intense pleasure that was already pressed against every sensitive nerve in his body.</p><p>And Ryou hadn’t even turned the damn thing on yet.</p><p>“Can’t have you coming too soon.” Ryou let go of Najjad’s blond mane so that he could lean forward again. Najjad tried adjusting his ass against the bed to feel more of the toy – to angle it even more inside himself – but Ryou held firm against his shoulders and maneuvered so that he stood right in front of him. “If you want to feel good… you know what to do.”</p><p>In spite of the wonderful, full sensation coursing through his veins… something about the way Ryou could just naturally command and take control aroused Najjad more than any toy ever could.</p><p>“Anything for you, sir… It’s an honour to make you feel good…”</p><p>The situation was more than familiar, had been played out between them countless times by now. Yet every time Ryou asked, begged, insisted that his cock be sucked, it never failed to make Najjad tremble with anticipation at the level of trust bestowed upon him – <i>him,</i> whom not even a year and a half ago had been a wretched, near-maniacal mess wallowing in the darkest parts of Domino as he questioned not how he’d come back to the realm of the living, but <i>why…</i></p><p>Najjad restrained a grunt of frustration when he couldn’t move his hands to bring Ryou's hips in closer like he usually enjoyed doing. He sensed Ryou must have gotten the hint, for the tip of his cock soon painted Najjad’s lips with precum, prompting a shared moan from both men. Najjad opened his mouth wide to allow the welcome intrusion – and let loose a muffled whimper as his entire backside suddenly felt as if it was on fire. Two clicks from above told Najjad all he needed to know as the vibrations inside him were turned up a notch.</p><p>Despite the intense, pointed pleasure traveling up his spine and across his trembling legs, Najjad kept as much focus as he could on taking Ryou fully into his mouth. He slid his tongue along the underside of Ryou’s cock, savoring the musky-salt flavour that he’d fallen for months ago. Ryou had been shy at first with allowing such an intimate gesture, had worried he wouldn’t live up to Najjad’s expectations. Yet the instant he’d first set eyes on Ryou’s breath-taking erection – aroused by the mere idea of being intimate with <i>Najjad</i> of all people – he’d pounced on Ryou and pinned him to the bed just to see if his cock tasted as good as it looked.</p><p>Since then, Najjad had learned every which way to tease his lover – and employed every tactic now as he himself was overwhelmed with the pulsations hitting his deepest, innermost walls. In his euphoria, Najjad pushed his face down as far as it would go, until his nose touched the admittedly adorable white curls just above Ryou’s groin. With a grin, Najjad pulled back, hollowed out his cheeks and quickly moved his lips up and down the hot, wet cock. The action caught Ryou off-guard enough for him to grab at Najjad’s hair once more – this time, to steady himself.</p><p>“Little minx—” Despite his best efforts, Ryou sounded slightly breathless. “Let’s see— <i>ngh—</i> how well— you can give— <i>ah!—</i> on level three—”</p><p>Another click above made Najjad move even faster as the vibrations smacked against his prostate relentlessly. He felt the beginnings of tears form against the blindfold, wanting desperately for both less and more stimulation. It was such an exquisite pain – and it was exactly what Najjad had wanted from Ryou for so long.</p><p>He’d known only agony the entire time he’d been a part of Malik. Whether it was from the ever-present memories of the Initiation or the way he’d been banished to the shadows without any chance to make the case for his very existence, Najjad simply <i>expected</i> life to hurt. And when he’d been spat back into the real world in his own body by gods knew what magic, those first several months roaming the streets and scrounging for scraps and resisting the urge to tear the whole city down had only proved his theory correct.</p><p>It was only when autumn came and the leaves died and a pale man full of untapped life stared down curiously at him with no fear in a decrepit alley and offered a sincere hand to help… that Najjad was given the first opportunity to learn otherwise.</p><p>Najjad almost smiled around Ryou’s dick at the pleasant memory – but was so lost in the intimate roughness of the situation that he withheld for the time being. For the next several minutes, Ryou near-fucked Najjad’s mouth as he hummed in ecstasy around the needy cock. Najjad ran his long tongue over Ryou’s cockhead every time he pulled back, and licked on the entire base of his shaft with each push in. Both men on the brink of climax, Najjad audibly whined when Ryou drew away all of a sudden and stopped the toy in him from working its magic. Najjad could feel Ryou kneel down in front of him and grab his face between his soft hands – with slightly more tenderness than had been previously shown in their session. </p><p>“Do you want to come now, or later? Be honest.”</p><p>Najjad <i>wanted</i> to scream and beg for release – his patience was miniscule even after the last year of help from Ryou in managing his darkest frustrations. But instead of throwing a fit, Najjad swallowed a couple times and leaned his face forward, trying to find Ryou’s mouth.</p><p>“Later, sir. You… Only <i>you</i> can make me come.”</p><p>“Correct.”</p><p>There was a hint of adoration in the one word. Yet Najjad knew that it was not for his compliance or subservience, but rather for the progress that he – <i>and</i> Ryou – had made over their time together. Ryou had seen Najjad at his absolute worst, had many a time been on the receiving end of his anger and childlike emotions running amok and causing damage to anything and anyone in his path – but <i>never</i> to Ryou himself, though Najjad wondered if he wouldn’t have minded the pain so much…</p><p>So far as Najjad was concerned in those first couple months, Ryou was the most stubborn man alive for sticking around what was clearly a dangerous situation – a dangerous… <i>person,</i> Najjad had to remind himself.</p><p>Yet Najjad couldn’t have been more grateful for the man who – for whatever reason and by whatever means – had shown him respect and independence and free thought and kindness and vulnerability and… <i>love.</i> The word still tasted strange in Najjad’s mouth whenever he uttered it under his breath or tested it on his tongue. It hadn’t been spoken between them yet, though all signs pointed in one direction. But really, Najjad wanted Ryou to be the first one to say—</p><p>“I love… the way you look in this position.”</p><p>Suddenly, the blindfold was lifted up from Najjad’s eyes, and he blinked to adjust to the light before—</p><p>
  <i>“Gods, Ryou…”</i>
</p><p>Najjad was immensely glad that Ryou was so lost in his own body that he didn’t hear the complete break in how he was supposed to address him.</p><p>Before Najjad, Ryou was laid back along the foot of the bed, playing with his cock which was shimmering from saliva and precum. It took every effort in Najjad’s body to not rip the bonds around his limbs and take Ryou to the highest peak of pleasure himself with his hands, mouth, ass, whatever his body reacted with first.</p><p>But Ryou just smiled – very coy – and teased his erection to even greater lengths as he tilted his head back and moaned unashamed, white hair cascading like snow behind him.</p><p><i>“Mhmm…</i> Are you… enjoying… this view, pet?”</p><p>Najjad genuinely forgot to answer as his tan cock now throbbed red with excitement. It was so rare for either of them to put on a show for the other – opting far more often to take matters into their own literal hands. So to see Ryou teasing shamelessly as he played with himself more for Najjad’s pleasure than his own—</p><p>“Please, sir… I want…”</p><p>Between the sensation of being filled and watching the glorious sight before him, Najjad was breathing heavy by now. The toy didn’t even need to be on for him to feel as if he might come any second. Yet Ryou only smirked and – cock still in hand – maneuvered himself towards Najjad so that there was <i>just enough</i> space still between them to drive Najjad out of his mind.</p><p>“Is <i>this</i> what you want?”</p><p>Ryou laid one hand around Najjad’s shoulder and wrapped his legs around broad, tan hips. Now Najjad could see every pump Ryou gave his own cock, could hear every little moan, could feel every puff of breath from his full lips as pale fingers worked faster and faster up and down the blushing length. Still tethered around Najjad’s hips, Ryou leaned back and kept his distance to give the best view possible. </p><p>“Sir—” Najjad could hardly take it anymore as Ryou’s grip around his shoulder moved down to his highly-sensitive scars. He could tell Ryou was close – and Najjad wanted nothing more than to will himself to the brink, too. “Sir— <i>oh, gods—</i> I’m— I’m gonna—”</p><p>Abruptly, Ryou stopped and pulled himself back up to stare into violet eyes. With his hand carding through Najjad’s mane, Ryou removed his hand from his arousal and held Najjad’s face close to his own.</p><p>“I’m a patient man… I can make this last… all… night… long…”</p><p>Najjad had nowhere else to look but at Ryou – Ryou with his mouth open as he caught his breath and Ryou with his pink tongue resting over pearly white teeth and Ryou with his eyes glazed over from the edge of ecstasy. Before Najjad could help himself, he leaned forward to capture those tantalising red lips – causing Ryou to grab around Najjad’s scarred back with both hands to keep from falling.</p><p>Najjad expected a reprimand instantly for breaking one of their pre-assigned rules. It didn’t matter now, though – the taste of Ryou’s sweet mouth molding to his own was worth whatever punishment would be handed his way.</p><p>And yet instead of pulling away, Ryou moaned wantonly into the open-mouthed kiss and pushed his tongue past Najjad’s lips. Najjad mirrored Ryou’s actions, and immediately keened when he felt Ryou’s teeth gently – but not <i>too</i> gently – grab hold of his tongue and graze down its long length. Then, Najjad felt Ryou pull one of his hands away – and for the briefest moment, Najjad thought he would finally be allowed to release all the pent up emotions within him as Ryou would play with his cock and—</p><p><i>“Mmph!</i> Fu— Fuck me, <i>oh gods, Ryou, fuck—”</i></p><p>Najjad’s screams were half-muffled as Ryou still held firm to his tongue and turned the toy back on with his free hand – this time, up to what must have been one of the higher settings. Najjad squeezed his eyes shut tight and didn’t even realise when Ryou finally dragged his body away to assess the scene as it played out for several minutes of beautiful agony.</p><p>“Do you want more, love? I can make it better… or worse. Which do you prefer?”</p><p>Najjad didn’t even need to think of his answer – couldn’t think even if he wanted to.</p><p><i>“Worse!</i> Please, sir, please, I—”</p><p>The toy was turned down to a soft purr just as Najjad felt he might burst. And right when he gasped for air and felt his senses recover and stopped seeing flashes before his eyes, a strange constricting feeling enveloped the base of his cock. Blinking twice, he gazed down to his groin – and saw Ryou had taken advantage of his blissed-out state to slip on a cock ring.</p><p>“You remember what to say if it gets to be too much, right?”</p><p>Ryou’s voice still held its authority, but – although Najjad couldn’t see it – his face barely masked its concern. Pale palms slid across Najjad’s front from behind, toying with his tan, perked nipples in rough circles. Suddenly, one hand moved away and drew the blindfold back over Najjad’s eyes – making him whimper as the dark intensified the sensation of falling to his death in the best possible way.</p><p>“Of course, sir… Just please… make me feel… <i>oh!”</i></p><p>Najjad hadn’t expected the device around his shaft to also vibrate. His mind swirling with desire, he felt a hand reach down to his flat stomach, drawing lazy shapes into the now-slippery skin.</p><p>“Your body <i>deserves</i> to feel this way, my darling.” The slight hint of affection in the words nearly made Najjad melt into the duvet. He bit his lip and tried his best not to grunt and thrust into the air when Ryou pushed the toy deeper inside his ass – it having slipped out slightly in the last half hour – and pressed it right where Najjad wanted, as if he could read his mind’s most wicked desires. “Let’s see how long you can last… Just enjoy yourself… Najjad…”</p><p>Najjad barely had time to question why Ryou was saying his name when they’d agreed to refrain during this session. Instead, he howled in delight when the toy sprang to life and was moved in and out of his body by Ryou’s adept hand. His other palm still held Najjad in place so that he couldn’t move – leaving him helpless to do anything but just cry out and moan and scream as his whole body felt it might shatter if another second of the exquisite torture continued.</p><p>“Yes, yes, please, gods, yes, <i>ahhhh!”</i></p><p>“Are you enjoying yourself?”</p><p>“More, sir, <i>more!</i> Feels so— <i>Yes, fuck—</i> fucking break me! Punish me! You promised—”</p><p>Suddenly, the flashes of white light before Najjad’s eyes turned fire-red. The words coming out of his mouth sounded too familiar to a time under the sands of a far away land. The position he was in felt more constricting than it had a second before. All the pleasure and pain were replaced with an overwhelming need to fight back <i>now.</i></p><p>Yet after the last year of working on taming his own demons, all Najjad could do… was freeze.</p><p>He barely registered the blindfold being lifted up again. He didn’t notice the suddenly-empty feeling within himself and along his most sensitive areas. It was only when he felt slender arms wrap around his trembling body that Najjad exhaled deeply and allowed his thoughts to catch up with him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, sir. I—”</p><p>“Stop, Najjad. I’m ending this now.”</p><p>Feeling a bit relieved that the roles they’d played were concluded for the evening, Najjad nodded into Ryou’s shoulder, unable to meet his gaze. He felt stupid, he felt like a disappointment – and gods be damned, he still felt turned on by the lithe body pressed against his own. And as Ryou made to move away and undo the restraints—</p><p>“Wait…” Najjad gulped and forced his eyes to meet Ryou’s – which were doing their best to fight against the wetness brimming his lashes. “Keep them on. We’re finishing this.”</p><p>“Najjad, no. It was too much. I don’t want to—”</p><p>Like before, Najjad leaned forward to capture Ryou’s perfect mouth. But this time as he pressed into the soft seam, Najjad deliberately moved slow and with care – surprised at how easy it was to drag his lips across Ryou’s and how really fucking nice it felt to savour the moment instead of rushing to the finish line. As Najjad drew back and took in the cute, flushed expression on Ryou’s face, he rested their foreheads together and whispered the second-most difficult words that begged to break out of his soul.</p><p>“I trust you, Ryou.”</p><p>He could have gone on – could have said how much he appreciated Ryou sticking by him when no one else had, how in a million lifetimes he'd never expected to be given the chance to feel anything other than destructive. But there was no need for other words when Ryou’s eyes brightened in the dim room and his face betrayed a small smile at the confession.</p><p>“At least let me loosen them a bit.” Najjad nodded in agreement and allowed Ryou to readjust the silk bands so that Najjad had more maneuverability. His legs were moved in front of him, and Ryou eased Najjad down against the duvet with all the care that had been denied him his entire life. “Is this okay?”</p><p>Najjad leaned back against one of the fluffier pillows and sighed in response. Then he lifted his head up as he felt a hand trace the defined lines of his abs. The touch was featherlight and reverent, as if it aimed to remember every little detail. Najjad and Ryou locked eyes, and Ryou made to straddle over well-defined hip bones.</p><p>“Is this okay?”</p><p>A low moan was the only affirmation Najjad could give as the pale digits traveled up his chest, across his biceps – more pronounced as they were held up by the restraints – and along his rough hands. Ryou inclined to kiss each finger very slowly, sending a strange shiver into Najjad’s abdomen. After attention was given to his open palms, Ryou moved back down to his chest, leaving a series of kisses down his sternum, farther down to his Adonis belt, down to where Ryou rolled his tongue out and—</p><p>“Ryou!”</p><p>The urgency in Najjad’s voice seemed to frighten Ryou, for he bolted up and gave a look of alarm.</p><p>“Is this not okay?”</p><p>Najjad wished desperately that he could move his legs to edge Ryou back up his body. Instead, he hitched his torso into the air and wiggled his eyebrows twice. Ryou got the message immediately, and hovered over Najjad as he huffed in anticipation.</p><p>“I’d rather…” Najjad felt sheepish all of a sudden, but still persevered. “I want… to come with you in me.”</p><p>Ryou didn’t have to be told twice. Still wet from their earlier play, Najjad groaned as he felt Ryou slip in almost too easily. No matter how many times they did this, it amazed Najjad to no end that two broken people like themselves could fit each other so well in both body and soul.</p><p>“Tell me… what you want… What feels good… right now…”</p><p>“Just you… in me… <i>Faster,</i> Ryou… <i>please…”</i></p><p>It always felt good this way – with Ryou taking Najjad and making him feel like there was a life worth exploring with each thrust to his nerves. Even with each time their positions were switched and he had gotten Ryou underneath him and drawn forth the most beautiful wails of ecstasy – all due to what Najjad was doing, which filled him to no end with an indescribable joy – there was a certain moment when everything would click and everything would feel right and everything else just… somehow didn’t matter.</p><p>The sensation came earlier this time, as Ryou gave Najjad what he asked for and moved within him in quick, successive thrusts. Najjad cried out as Ryou lifted his hips up slightly so that their hips smacked together in a steady rhythm. And when one of Ryou’s hands traveled back up his taut chest and brushed against a nipple, Najjad positively screamed.</p><p>“Gods, <i>ah!</i> Touch me— <i>fuck yes, Ryou—”</i></p><p>Ryou panted above and made to splay his palm out over Najjad’s abs. He leaned over to take one nipple in his mouth while flicking the other. The pace slowed, making every push-pull between them feel <i>that much more</i> fulfilling and intimate.</p><p>“I meant what I said earlier…” Ryou pulled away after a few minutes of Najjad whimpering below, and held the tan face gently in his palm. “Your body… <i>you</i> deserve to feel this way, Najjad… So lovely…”</p><p>Now it was Ryou who leaned down to drag their lips together in a practiced dance. It was the one moment Najjad wished he’d let Ryou undo his binds – what he wouldn’t give to be filled to the hilt with Ryou’s cock as they just leisurely worked their mouths together…</p><p>Even their first kiss had seemed predestined for great things. The concept was entirely foreign to Najjad, and Ryou had mentioned before how awkward it could be for even the most suave and experienced people. But when they’d moved closer that first time on the couch a year ago – during some film that Ryou adored, with far too many shrieking teenagers that in time past would have set Najjad into a frenzy – Najjad couldn’t believe how natural it felt to share such an intimate gesture with the one person who showed him no fear.</p><p>There was certainly no fear in Ryou’s gaze now as he drew back and studied Najjad’s face with the one still-unspoken word that had eluded them for so long.</p><p>“You really trust me, Najjad?”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“In that case—” Ryou leaned back and positioned himself in such a way that Najjad knew exactly what would happen next. “Trust that I’m going to make you feel as good as you deserve.”</p><p>The ensuing onslaught – as Ryou fucked him into the bed over and over – superseded any other pleasures Najjad had felt that night. Every one of Ryou's deep thrusts hit Najjad so dead-on that he swore he saw stars. They both cried out at the friction and heated constriction, and whined nonsense words as their releases drew closer and closer. Ryou reached between their bodies and jerked Najjad in clumsy, mis-timed motions – not that Najjad had much cause to care given his near-intoxicated state.</p><p>He arched his back and his neck, and grabbed at the binds around his wrists. His toes curled and his mouth formed a silent scream as – moments later, after having been on the edge of a mighty cliff all evening – Najjad finally tumbled headfirst into the abyss. His consciousness fell away for what felt like eons but must have been no more than a minute. Despite the paralysing, intense pleasure overtaking him, Najjad's entire being felt as if it was in the shadows all over again – that this was the end, and the last year had been nothing more than a wonderful dream he’d dared to own for himself.</p><p>But as Najjad came to moments later and saw an equally-dazed Ryou resting on his chest in orgasmic exhaustion… Najjad couldn’t thank the gods enough that reality was better than any dream he could have envisioned.</p><p>Absolutely spent, Najjad was vaguely aware of how Ryou pulled out, cleaned them both up, undid the restraints – massaging the tan limbs all the while – and situated them both under the heavy duvet. A glass of water was brought to Najjad’s lips, and he drank it all up in one go. A small vanilla creampuff was gingerly placed into Najjad’s hand, and he couldn’t help the blush on his face remembering how they’d baked this new batch together just that morning.</p><p>“Is there anything else you want, Najjad?"</p><p>Ryou’s voice lilted and his hands caressed in such gentle motions. Najjad was positive that he had never felt more taken care of – more <i>secure</i> – than any other time in his life.</p><p>“I want to know…” Najjad paused and pondered his dessert – unsure if now was the best time to bring up something he’d been curious about for a while. “Why did you name me… that?”</p><p><i>When you were the one who clearly saved</i> me, was the unspoken addendum as Najjad sank into the cocoon of warmth surrounding him. He took a bite of Ryou’s creampuff – resisting ruining the moment with a crude sex joke – and looked up into calm chestnut pupils as they stared back at him. Not through him or past him – but <i>at</i> Najjad, like he was the only being that existed in Ryou’s eyes.</p><p>“Because it suits you better than you could ever know.”</p><p>The explanation caught Najjad by surprise. Even in his blissed-out state, his mind raced back to every instance over the last year where Ryou had given him the most appreciative looks, so many lingering touches, such genuine laughs, countless reverent words of encouragement, a lifetime of happy memories – and realised for the first time how, for all the salvation Ryou had provided Najjad… it seemed <i>he</i> had come at just the right moment to complete Ryou’s life, too.</p><p>Najjad reached a hand up to caress Ryou’s cheek, unable to form any words in response. Before he knew what he was doing, Najjad had adjusted their positions so that the embrace encompassed both their worn-out, very satisfied bodies – tan and muscular against pale and lithe. They breathed in time with each other, felt their heartbeats settle back into normal rhythms, stroked sweat-slick flesh as they fell into the space between waking and dreaming.</p><p>“I love you, Ryou.”</p><p>The words were barely audible against the pillows. But for the first time, Najjad didn’t feel unsettled by their utterance. He held tighter to Ryou’s sleeping body as a grounding mechanism, and planted a soft kiss upon the crown of white hair, and just as Najjad was about to follow Ryou’s lead into dreamland—</p><p>“Took you long enough to say it, you big softie.”</p><p>Najjad opened his eyes wide to meet Ryou’s grinning, playful face – which edged closer and closer before their lips smashed together into a kiss that told Najjad everything he needed to know about whether Ryou felt the same.</p><p>Suddenly, the idea of sleep was the farthest thing from either of their minds as they rolled around under the duvet and laughed into each other’s heated skin and gave one another all the love they’d ever need through the rest of the night and into the early morning.</p><p>When the light finally crept in through the mangled blinds, Najjad allowed himself to smile at the sight of the dawn – at the chance to finally seize every opportunity his rebirth could afford…</p><p>So long as Ryou was by his side every step of the way.</p>
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